Sadness. Anger. Fear. Heartbreak. Despair. These are just some of the searing emotions expressed by the youth we work with and that we ourselves feel about the death of Nex Benedict.
We at the Institute and Flourish, along with Dr. Erin Norton and Dr. Caroline Carter of Gender Camps (a collaboration with the Institute), send our heartfelt condolences to Nex’s family and community. And, as mental health professionals, dedicated to supporting growth and resilience for youth and their families, we’re sharing here some important things to know and actions to consider.
Who was Nex Benedict? For those who haven’t been following Nex’s story, Nex was a 16-year-old Choctaw Indigenous gender-fluid teen in Oklahoma. As a creative teen, Nex loved to draw and read. They were an enthusiastic video gamer with a particular passion for Minecraft. And they loved animals – especially their cat Zeus.
What happened to Nex? On February 7, Nex was violently assaulted by classmates in the school bathroom in Owasso, Oklahoma. Nex had multiple scratches and bruises on their face and head. Nex died the next day. Though the exact cause of death has not yet been determined, it is fair to say that Nex died as a result of hatred, ignorance and misinformation.
What is the context: Many states and school districts have or are seeking to pass legislation that is harmful to LGBTQ+ youth – and really all youth. For example, there are currently 500 anti-LGBTQ+ pieces of legislation being considered. Oklahoma currently has 50 anti-LGBTQ+ pieces of legislation under consideration. In 2022, Oklahoma passed a law (OK SB615), which prevents transgender and gender diverse students from using bathrooms other than one that aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth.
Why does this context matter? After Nex’s death, an Oklahoma hotline run by the Rainbow Youth Project USA received 237 calls in one weekend from LGBTQ+ youth. This is three times what they normally log over a weekend. As APA President Thema Bryant, PhD, notes: “Young trans people today are experiencing a tremendous amount of anxiety. There is a sense of not feeling safe. This increased sense of animosity toward this already vulnerable population is even affecting those living in states where antitransgender legislation isn’t even on the table.”
In a 2023 statement, APA continues, “Research overwhelmingly shows these bills and laws, which target access to health care, sports participation, and school policies, have resulted in heightened levels of anxiety, depression, and suicide risk among the transgender community…The mental health toll of these measures is widespread: A 2023 national survey from the Trevor Project found nearly one in three LGBTQ+ youth said their mental health was poor “most of the time or always” due to anti-LGBTQ policies and legislation. A 2022 study of gender-diverse youth published by the Journal of Family Psychology showed families fear for the safety of their trans and nonbinary youth and are fleeing states where these bills are being passed.”
How can we provide the best support in these times? Whether we identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community, have children who do, and/or consider ourselves allies, here are some important things consider:
Engage in courageous conversations with your children and teens. If they mention Nex, be curious about what they know and how they understand Nex’s story. Listen. Listening will give you a sense of what they might most need. Perhaps they simply need a listening ear and validation of feelings. Perhaps they need and want more information. Particularly if your children are part of the LGBTQ+ community, ask if they are afraid and let them share about that fear.
Limit media exposure and take breaks. You and/or your children or teens may find Nex’s story absorbing. It may be difficult to shift attentional focus to other things. And yet, for mental health care, shifting focus is important. Take a media break. Spend some time in nature. Do something active or creative. Play a game. Spend time with friends.
Community, safety, and celebration help foster minority resilience to counter the minority stress experienced by LGBTQ+ youth. Many of the youth we work with may not identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community but do consider themselves allies and advocates. They are passionate on behalf of human rights for the LGBTQ+ community – and they want to help provide community, safety and celebration!
Are there school and/or workplace groups or organizations that you and your family members can encourage and support? Is your home a safe and celebratory place for kids and young people of all genders to gather and have fun? What about camps? In 2019, Dr. Carter, Dr. Norton and the Institute for Girls’ Development started Gender Camps. We were inspired by our collective belief in the value of celebratory communities where trans and gender nonbinary youth can connect and be safe and validated. Now in its 6th year, Gender Camps fulfills our vision for a space where trans and gender nonbinary youth get to experience a world where they were unquestionably “valued and seen” by supporting adults and by peers who share their inner experience.
Consider activism for yourself and your children. New research in the journal Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity suggests sexual minorities who participate in LGBTQ activism tend to have enhanced psychological well-being. The study indicates that meaning in life, problem-solving coping strategies, and community connection play a key role in this relationship.
Practice radical hope. Hope can be very difficult to hold onto in times like these, especially if you are a member of the trans community and/or a parent with a transgender child. I’m inspired by a practice encouraged by Ruth King, which acknowledges that there is indeed great suffering during these times and so much hard, exhausting work for advocacy and human rights. She encourages us to practice imagining a future that affords safety, dignity, celebration and more for our diverse communities. As we ourselves engage in the practice of radical hope, we are letting you know that we have hope for what is to come for our world and the trans community. Let’s continue to share with each other ways to uplift and support each other, our children, and the larger LGBTQ+ community.
